Blackwoods

It's just like a M. Night Shyamalan movie... only much, much worse. Uwe Boll, Germany's answer to Ed Wood, directs this pointless thriller that apes every third-act twist cliche in the book. Matt (Muldoon) and Dawn (Tracy) drive up to the "Blackwoods" to visit Dawn's hillbilly family, but after checking into a creepy motel (staffed by Clint Howard, no less), Dawn disappears and crazy axe-wielding psychos start attacking Matt. It's all leading up to one big twist that's telegraphed further than a ten-meter cattle prod. Honestly, if you can't figure out the whole movie in the first five minutes, you should put down the airplane glue and move your trailer away from the power lines.