Ilan Eshkeri

A ninja clan kidnaps children from around the world and raises them to be world class assassins with mystical powers (or kills them if they try to leave or fail to perform). An interpol agent gets the idea they exist, and so becomes the next target, while a renegade ninja tries to prevent them from killing her while simultaneously getting revenge. In those two sentences you have the entirety of the plot. This film is 10 minutes of plot setup, another 10 minutes of exposition, and the rest of the hour plus is people killing one another. That's not necessarily bad depending on why you wanted to see it. If you wanted a martial arts revenge film (which are traditionally short on plot, long on violence) you should be reasonably happy as long as you aren't averse to blood and cgi (as advertised everywhere, there's plenty of both). There are a few tidbits for classic ninja fans. The renegade ninja is named Raizo, perhaps after the actor Raizo Ichikawa who starred in many early ninja films, including the Shinobi no Mono series. The main bad guy Lord Ozunu is played by Sho Kosugi, himself famous for several ninja films from the 80's. On the downside for ninja fans: Few ninja weapons are used. Mostly swords slightly too long to be a Ninja-To, traditional Shuko climbing gear, some fairly large cgi shuriken, and a flimsy looking variant of the kusari that nonetheless seems capable of slicing a man in half despite not being big enough to do so (and also mostly cgi). Also someone has taken the term "shadow warrior" a little too far, and almost all the ninjas abilities (and hence their fight scenes) take place in total or almost total darkness (one suspects so they wouldn't have to hire people who could seriously fight on camera). The ninja are supposed to be assassins who suppress all emotion, and indeed Sho Kosugi seems to be able to emote more than the rest of the entire cast of ninjas despite having only two or three facial expressions. Rain (the good guy?) has one facial expression, and the occasional smirk. In short, if you're looking for plot, acting, or depth of any kind, go elsewhere. But if you want an old school mystical ninja/martial arts revenge film updated to include more blood than a human should have in his body, and tons of cgi weaponry with people taking hits that should have killed them three times over, this film will be a shining rainbow for you.

Generally I hate going to see films in theaters due to the cost of the tickets and munchies. Rarely do I feel I've seen a film in theaters once that didn't make me feel like I'd been ripped off, and rarely have I ever seen a film there twice. This is a film I'd go to see again. If you're a fan of comic book or superhero films, or just plain old violent action movies you should in theory love this. Be aware this isn't the typical example of either of those genres. It's rated R for a reason: Hit Girl. An 11 year old killing machine who fights while we listen to Joan Jett in the background. She steals every scene, and for good reason. She's the most over the top character in the film (possibly the most over the top I've seen in some time). Rarely have I heard an audience cheer for someone killing bad guys the way I did for her. I think the guy next to me said he was in love, much like one of the films characters did after watching her kneecap, throat slit, and headshot her way through a pack of bad guys. She is awesome incarnate. There are a few flaws (which admittedly may be intentional given that this is a satirical parody) that prevent me from giving this a 4.0, but they are inconsequential. I?m rating this on whether or not I think you?ll feel robbed if you see it in a theater. And no. I do not believe you will. Comic fans should pay special attention to Nicholas Cage?s brutally satirical parody of Adam West as Batman. It?s his best role in years. Well maybe. His movies have kind of sucked lately so I stopped watching them, but this is the early Nick Cage I liked in films. So it?s the best role I?ve seen him play in years. One of the great conceits of Batman (and other human level comic vigilantes) is that they let opponents live. This film tears that apart showing that basically you can?t afford to do that because in real life the first time you lost a fight you?d be dead or crippled. It?s called Kick #!@%*# because that?s what happens to the main character. A lot. A turning point in the film comes when he meets Hit Girl and Big Daddy (nothing Freudian there?) and realizes he?s in way over his head and has little more to offer the world than good intentions. I do hope the planned sequel materializes.

Sometimes you go to a movie with high expectations and sometimes not really knowing what to expect. "Stardust" was one of the latter. What a surprise! It built up slowly and delivered on so many levels. So what type of film is "Stardust"? A coming of age, a romance, an epic adventure, a swashbuckler, a comedy, a fantasy, and a (flying, irreverent, cross-dressing) pirate movie; yes it's all of that!! What a way to escape for two hours. Everyone in the cast gave satisfying performances, many were stand out performances: with a wickedly over the top evil Witch by Ms. Pfeiffer and a flying high scene stealing turn by Mr. De Niro as Captain Shakespeare. Treat yourself. See "Stardust", and be surprised.

There are several fun Brit cameos in this movie: Rupert Everett, Peter O'Toole, Jason Flemyng, Ricky Gervais, David Kelly, etc. It's a charming movie and worth the two hours of your life to watch it!