Review by Brian Tallerico

With his Spanish-language features, The Devil's Backbone and Pan's Labyrinth, Guillermo Del Toro proved that he has the skills to make dreams (or, more accurately, nightmares) come to life. He's not just fascinated by the things that go bump in the night, he wants to make puppets out of them. And with those films (and, to a lesser extent, Cronos), he displayed a masterful talent for storytelling, weaving reality and fantasy into something magical. And yet, apparently, he can't do the same in his second language.

Having had the glorious pleasure of getting to spend some time with the man, I can tell you that Guillermo Del Toro is literally overflowing with ideas. He carries a journal around in which he constantly scribbles concepts, characters, and drawings that inspire him. It's nearly impossible to walk out of an interaction with the man and not have a smile on your face. That's why I find it so shocking and disappointing that I rarely smiled during Hellboy II:The Golden Army, a film that actually serves as an interesting counterpoint to Pan's Labyrinth. Where that masterpiece highlighted all of Del Toro's strengths, Hellboy II: The Golden Army shines a brutal spotlight on what are still some significant weaknesses.

Only vaguely picking up after the first film - one of the most frustrating elements of Golden Army is that it feels more like an "episode" than a true sequel - Hellboy II: The Golden Army is based on a fairy tale that the big red guy's father (John Hurt) told him when he was a horned child. The tale is a riff on the old "creatures of the forest vs. people of the city" routine, ending with the idea of a powerful, indestructible crown - a magical object that gave its bearer control over the legendary Golden Army -  being split into three parts to help maintain peace between the fairy and human realms.

An unruly, immortal prince named Nuada (Luke Goss) wants the crown put back together again and he'll do anything to get it, including putting his twin sister Nuala (Anna Walton) in danger. Nuala eventually ends up at the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense, our government's first-strike agency against the supernatural, which keeps all kinds of monsters and ghoulies in check with the help of some very special agents.  At the BPRD, Nuala falls into the very loving hands of the agency's resident fish-man Abe Sapien (this time not just acted by Doug Jones but voiced by him as well), not to mention the pyrokinetic Liz (Selma Blair) and her big red boyfriend, Hellboy (Ron Perlman). The odd trio of superheroes is joined by a new character, Johann Kraus (voiced by Family Guy's Seth McFarlane), who is actually just a gaseous cloud of ectoplasm held together by what looks like an old diving bell suit.

Maybe it's that Del Toro needs to tell his own stories. As close as he is to Hellboy creator Mike Mignola, these creations are not his own, and the "superhero" nature of the Hellboy films - while certainly not being as traditional as, say, Elektra - are still there. It's in those areas that big red falls short. The basic structure of an action movie requires peaks and valleys in the storytelling, usually represented by big action sequences strung together with smaller character development scenes. However, Del Toro the screenwriter hasn't crafted an interesting enough tale to hold the audience's attention through the dull patches, and Del Toro the director doesn't give a damn about traditional beats. There's nothing "action movie traditional" about Pan's Labyrinth or The Devil's Backbone, but he clearly feels forced to fall into those traps with this film. So when Hellboy II: The Golden Army gets to its big, titular climax, it's difficult to care because you can sense that the director doesn't really care either. It’s a mere obligation.

For a sense of what Guillermo really loves, look no further than an extended sequence in the middle of Golden Army at something called "The Troll Market", easily the ambitious highlight of the entire piece. Here, Del Toro gets to let his creature adoration run wild. The Pale Man from Pan's Labyrinth would feel right at home, eating fairies and scaring children. It’s hard to shake the feeling that Guillermo doesn't want to leave this creature cantina. He’s so in love with the creations there that the meat of the story didn’t get the time it needed and fell apart. Of course, there’s a very famous story that Del Toro is working on next – J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit – and, as much as it pains me to say it, The Golden Army makes me much more nervous about that project than I ever thought I would be. Maybe he can shoot it in Spanish.

Rating: TWO BONES

Release Date: July 11th, 2008

Rating: PG-13

Starring: Ron Perlman, Doug Jones, Selma Blair, Jeffrey Tambor, and Seth McFarlane

Director: Guillermo Del Toro

Writer: Guillermo Del Toro