It was announced on Tuesday that Paramount Pictures wouldn't be screening GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra for critics and, let's be honest, is anyone really that surprised? Trying to explain the critical snub, Rob Moore, vice chairman of Paramount Pictures commented, "After the chasm we experienced with Transformers 2 between the response of audiences and critics, we chose to forgo opening-day print and broadcast reviews as a strategy to promote G.I. Joe."

That quote tells us two things: 1). Paramount isn't expecting GI Joe to get the same warm critical buzz that their earlier summer smash, Star Trek, received (rumors of bad test screening scores have been circulating for a while), and 2). Paramount is DESPERATE to ally GI Joe with their even bigger summer smash, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, a movie that did amazingly well, especially when you consider it's not-particularly-fresh 20% rating at Rotten Tomatoes. (There HAVE been some early reviews of GI Joe, so it has screened for SOME critics - it currently has a 91% freshness rating on RT - which seems odd, given the review embargo. And most of those select reviews that have been posted so far have been largely positive, which could be a good sign... or it could be extremely fishy. We haven't decided yet.)

 But, even though the Transformers comparison reeks of desperation, it's also kind of apt. Both movies are based on Hasbro toy lines that spun-off into successfully iconic 1980s cartoon series (with amazingly catchy theme songs), which then spun off into even more toys, comic books, lunchboxes, you name it. However, even though one could argue that the GI Joe cartoon was much more cinematic in scope than the Transformers series - face it, fanboys, the Transformers never had anything as cool as the Weather Dominator or the MASS Device mini-series - Transformers definitely have more A-list talent behind their feature film careers. Look at the talent behind the Transformers movies - produced by Spielberg, directed by billion-dollar director Michael Bay, starring the male/female ingénue team of Shia and Megan Fox, and written by the guys behind Star Trek and Zorro. That's a nice pedigree.

GI Joe, in comparison, has some of the Transformers producers (not Spielberg), was directed by the guy who made 2004's Van Helsing (and who hasn't directed since), stars a solid cast of B-list talent (no Vanity Fair covers for the GI Joe cast in the near future), and was written by the guys who wrote Four Brothers and Derailed. You have to admit, that's a little lopsided.

So, with all that, why do we find ourselves kind of rooting for GI Joe? The no-critics decision is BEYOND annoying (and cowardly), the commercials are underwhelming, the cast doesn't even seemed thrilled about it (both Sienna Miller and Joseph Gordon-Levitt haven't exactly lauded the film in recent interviews), Van Helsing was TERRIBLE, and the buzz, to be frank, is not good. And yet... maybe it's just 1980s nostalgia, but we're still holding onto a glimmer of hope for the movie.

 We fully, FULLY acknowledge that GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra might be the trainwreck of 2009, but, if it can defy expectations, here are six possible reasons why this crazy toy-based shoot-em-up could end up being a better movie than the powerhouse of the summer, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Granted, that scenario ain't likely, but, if it does happen, it'll be for one or more of these reasons.

1. Diminished Expectations

Like we said, there is NOT particularly good buzz surrounding GI Joe's release. There were early rumors of the movie receiving the lowest test screening scores in Paramount history and tons of gossip about director Stephen Sommers allegedly being fired from the film. Sure, those rumors were mostly debunked, but their sheer existence isn't good for the Joe team. But all of this negativity has, frankly, turned GI Joe into an underdog, and everyone loves to root for an underdog, right? The expectations are so low at this point that, even if the movie is just OK, that's going to be a huge step up from what most of its audience is expecting. So, bad buzz might just work for the Joes in this regard, turning the movie's release into the battle between GI Joe's Average Joes and Transformers' Globo-Gym Cobras, which... is kind of perfect.

2. The GI Joes Have Faces

One of our least favorite aspects about Michael Bay's Transformers movies is how impossible it is to distinguish one robot from another, particularly when their start their rock-em-sock-em thing. The robot designs might turn on auto-fetishists, but they've completely stripped away all of the personality the Transformers had in the cartoon series, especially in the faces. Fine, noses and ears don't really work on robots, but Bay's Transformers designs do a terrible job of conveying emotion and, aside from Optimus Prime and Bumblebee, any casual fan would be hard pressed to name any of the other Transformers out of a line up. Thankfully, the GI Joe cast is actually made up of honest-to-god actors, with eyebrows and mouths, and the ability to make us give a damn about them, if they're good enough. And, while there isn't a Tom Hanks or Angelina Jolie in the bunch, it's a fairly solid group of actors, with most having a few impressive credits next to their names (heck, even Marlon Wayans was awesome in Requiem for a Dream). That alone might elevate the cast above Optimus Prime's creepy CGI robot lips.

3. The Accelerator Suits Might Just Surprise Everyone

This might sound ridiculous, but Michael Bay movies take themselves very, very seriously. That's right, Michael Bay movies. (And, yes, we're counting Bad Boys 2.) Even with their ridiculous premises, there is an arrogance, a pomp, a slick, pre-packaged, out-of-the-box desire to be EPIC to Bay's movies that can be entertaining, but also can occasionally suck all of the fun out of a movie theatre thanks to their painful efforts to be either cool or profound in every second of every frame. On the other side of the spectrum, there's Stephen Sommers, and let's be honest, there is NOTHING cool about Stephen Sommers. If Bay was the high school kid who spent all of his energy being cool, Sommers is the class clown, the class speed freak, the kid in your class who'd skateboard off the roof just to make his friends laugh. This doesn't mean that Sommers makes great movies - he doesn't. Deep Rising is a hysterical B-movie, The Mummy is a fairly solid popcorn flick, The Mummy Returns is bat-s*** insane, and Van Helsing is so over-the-top it's almost Kabuki. However, all four of those movies are never boring and were obviously made by a guy who was trying to make every second of every frame pure sugar-sweet FUN. And, at this point in history - with the economy in the toilet, two wars, ugly partisan politics, massive unemployment, and even worse on the horizon - we've lost all interest in cool. We want FUN when we go to the movies - one of many reasons why our favorites of the summer have been Star Trek and Up - and GI Joe probably has way more potential to be fun than Transformers, thanks largely to Sommers' involvement. Sure, it also has much more potential to suck, but... eh, you can't have everything.

5. Sexist Male Rationale #59280