Unbearable romantic comedies, star vehicles with the parking brake stuck in the "on" position, sequels that nobody asked even be made much less wanted to see, and careers that should have ended years ago - 2008 was head-scratchingly bad when it came to the bottom of the cinematic barrel. Wouldn't you think that the continuing diversity of entertainment would make for better movies? When people have more and more options to watch movies on everything from their iPod to their PS3 to their cell phone, Hollywood is going to learn a harsh, brutal lesson if studios keep making the increasingly tech savvy masses pay for utter and complete crap at the rate they did in 2008. And yet there seemed to be more choices for the worst of 2008 than any recent year. The fact that junk like Jumper, Rambo, Max Payne, Eagle Eye, Strange Wilderness, and The Day the Earth Stood Still couldn't make my bottom THIRTY should be the only thing that needs to be said to make it clear how bad 2008 was for movie goers. We'll get to the bottom ten, briefly, in order, but first, six lessons that NEED be learned from 2008.

--Brian Tallerico

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1. Jason Statham Must Be Stopped

I liked The Bank Job, although not nearly as much as most people, but it's incredibly rare for one actor to produce a trifecta of crap as noxious as In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Death Race, and Transporter 3 in the same calendar year. Most actors don't have three movies that bad on their entire resume. Combined stars (or "bones") for all three films? ONE. A lot of press was made this year about critics getting fired. I think most of them just quit so they wouldn't have to sit through another Jason Statham movie. It's almost MORE depressing that he gave the best performance of his career in The Bank Job because it makes the trilogy du junk that much more intolerable. Go back to Guy Ritchie. Continue working with Roger Donaldson. But, Jason, before another critic packs up their desk, READ the scripts before you sign on. (For the record, another Jason - Biggs - needs to be stopped before he makes another Over Her Dead Body or My Best Friend's Girl, but I kind of thought his career was already over.)

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2. The Romantic Comedy Is Dead

Where is today's When Harry Met Sally? Sleepless in Seattle? Hell, I'd take a You’ve Got Mail at this point. The best romantic comedies of the year? Definitely, Maybe, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and Ghost Town - all three-star films, critically greeted like they were instant classics just because the genre has become so consistently awful. They’re good movies, but are they THAT good? Hardly. It’s as if the scale for romantic comedies has been lowered by the amount of total junk on the bottom. Fool's Gold, Over Her Dead Body, and What Happens in Vegas were three of the most painful films of 2008 with characters who I wanted to see get together just so they wouldn't inflict their narcissistic, unbearable lives on others. Come back Rob Reiner, all is forgiven. Even North.

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3. Americans Can’t Make Horror Movies Any More

There were some interesting foreign horror films in 2008 – Let the Right One In and Frontier(s) – but, apparently, American filmmakers recently have lost their ability to scare. Whether it was the trifecta of Asian remake junk from early in the year - One Missed Call, The Eye, and Shutter - or one of the least effective horror movies ever made, Prom Night, the American scary movie has rarely been in such a disastrous state. It feels like Hollywood has simply forgotten what actually scares people. It's not shaky camera work or herky-jerky editing. Mirrors, Saw V, The Haunting of Molly Hartley, Quarantine – do these stand up against any classic horror films? And do we need to talk about The Happening? The worst-directed movie of the year fell apart while we watched it. M. Night Shyamalan set out to make a cautionary tale about the way we treat the Earth and ended up making a cautionary tale about how NOT to make a movie.

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4. Almost Famous Is Getting Harder to Watch

Almost Famous is one of my favorite movies of the last decade and I loved Kate Hudson's work in it, but her continually destructive career choices are actually affecting my enjoyment of that film. She's just gotten so lazy with her career choices. She was half-asleep during the awful Fool's Gold – her bikini gave a better performance than the actual actress – and do we need to say anything about being in a Dane Cook vehicle like My Best Friend's Girl? Ask Jessica Simpson how her career has gone since Employee of the Month. How does someone go from Almost Famous to co-starring with Jason Biggs? Did she sign a deal with the devil that expired post-Cameron Crowe?

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5. Lazy Comedy Is Not Funny

The amount of comedians who sat back and expected their on-screen personas to make their entire film funny - rather than, you know, a great script, ensemble, or concept - was remarkable in 2008. You won't see many lazier performances than Matthew McConaughey in Fool's Gold, Mike Myers in The Love Guru, Eddie Murphy in Meet Dave, Larry the Cable Guy in Witless Protection, Ashton Kutcher in What Happens in Vegas, or the cast of 10,000 B.C. Oh, wait, that wasn't a comedy. Was it?

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6. Make Sure Your Audience Really Wants a Sequel

Fans of The X-Files had given the last rites to their favorite franchise LONG ago, so did we really need I Want to Believe? So, now, instead of remembering the show nostalgically, I have to see a poorly produced, awfully written shadow of what once was? And was anyone really clamoring for another Mummy movie? The first two were okay, but the third movie felt as unnecessary as any in 2008. And do we even need to get into the lackluster Step Up 2 the Streets, a movie I barely remembered mere moments after seeing it? Just because the first movie was a hit doesn't mean a sequel automatically justifies its existence.

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And so, without further ado...

THE TEN WORST MOVIES OF 2008

Runner-Ups: Bangkok Dangerous, Deal, The Eye, Fool's Gold, The Happening, Henry Poole Is Here, Step Up 2 the Streets, What Happens in Vegas, The Women, and The X-Files: I Want to Believe

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10. 88 Minutes

Quite possibly Al Pacino's worst performance in a movie so bad and over-the-top that everyone involved should do their best to try and remove it from their pages on Wikipedia and IMDB. 88 Minutes doesn't require suspension of disbelief to make it through its insane number of plot holes as much as it does a frontal lobotomy.

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9. One Missed Call

The worst of the trifecta of Asian remake junk from early ‘08, One Missed Call features perhaps our sleepiest actor, Edward Burns, in a movie that includes not one, single genuine scare or remotely effective sequence.

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8. Over Her Dead Body

Maybe I was too hard on Kate Hudson above but it's only because I've seen her potential. I can't say the same for Eva Longoria, Jason Biggs, or Lake Bell, all of whom are so awful in Over Her Dead Body that they bring the typically talented Paul Rudd down with them. One of the most unbearable theatrical experiences of 2008.

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7. Witless Protection

I'm not sure this should be on the list purely because I'm not sure it's an actual movie. I think it's just Larry the Cable Guy with a camera. Was there really a screenplay? Did they have a crew? Did someone edit this thing? You'd never know by looking at one of the worst-made films of the last several years.

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6. Prom Night

At first, I had written off Prom Night as just another ineffective horror movie. There's a few every year. But Prom Night is so much worse than that. It's almost in-your-face about how NOT scary it actually is, as if it's daring you to actually feel fear at the fate of the starlets being hacked up on their big night. Offensively stupid.

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5. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale and Postal (tie)

What is there to say about the Uwe Boll double feature of 2008 that hasn't already been said? How about this? I'm generally forgiving of Boll on a B-movie, Ed Wood level. Not this year. These two feel lazier than even Alone in the Dark or House of the Dead. Yeah, I said these are worse than House of the Dead. That's pretty bad.

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4. 10,000 B.C.

One of the funniest movies of 2008 only works if you approach it from an Ed Wood or Uwe Boll perspective and laugh AT the people making this trainwreck and not with them. Who wouldn't want to see some of the worst dialogue of the year combined with Roland Emmerich's inability to tell a story? It should be 10,000 years before anyone sees this junk again.

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3. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

The worst sequel of the year is a loud, stupid mess that feels like it was written by an 8-year-old video game junkie. "What does a Mummy movie need?" "Yetis!" The third Mummy movie is so bad that it’s baffling, taking whatever B-movie charm that the first two movies possessed and crushing it under stupid effects, bad performances, and awful direction. Rachel Weisz jumped off this sinking franchise just in time.

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2. Death Race

Speaking of loud and stupid, Death Race left me with nothing but a headache and a desire to see Paul W.S. Anderson stopped before he commits another cinematic crime. With herky-jerky editing, horrible sound design, and one of the worst screenplays of the last few years, Anderson has made a film that takes whatever B-movie charm the Corman original may have had and, inexplicably and stupidly, tries to take it seriously. What's next? The straight version of Piranha?

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1. The Love Guru

I hated The Love Guru so much that it's hard to even write about it. What is there to say about a movie that features an Oscar winner getting hit in the face with a mop full of urine? A movie with more culturally offensive jokes than I can count? A movie that believes repeating the same jokes over and OVER again will make them funny? Like a kid with a mallet and a toy that makes noise, Mike Myers just keeps hitting his audience over the head until they're so delirious that maybe they'll laugh. One of the least funny movies in years, The Love Guru could be used as a torture device to get enemy combatants to talk.

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What do you think? Did we miss some obvious choices? Are you biologically related to Jason Statham and, thus, feel the need to defend his honor? Have your own suggestions for the worst of 2008?

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